5 Ways to Disagree With Some Grace
In November 2021, I wrote an article titled: “Agree to Disagree @Work”, in which I touched upon the very fact that we humans are not born identical and it is evident that disagreements are bound to happen and its normal. At the workplace, disagreements tend to carry a negative notion. We tend to believe that saying ‘I don’t agree’ or ‘I see this differently’ will result in being labelled angry, unkind or rude.
Disagreements happen in every facet of our lives. Be it relationships, friendships or even in professional surroundings, these can sometimes be challenging. Whether you disagree with your spouse, parents, children, coworker or your boss at a meeting, disagreements should be done in a respectful, polite, and constructive manner.
To maintain a positive and productive workplace culture, it’s essential to understand how to disagree effectively, and here are some tips for how to respectfully disagree at work.
1. Pick Battles Wisely
As said by Xerox’s Barry Rand, “If you have a yes-man working for you, one of you is redundant”. On the contrary, if you disagree about everything that comes your way, your coworkers will see you as a highly opinionated, argumentative and disagreeable. You’ll develop the reputation for always disagreeing, and your reasonable disagreement will be viewed as the same old, same old.
So, pick areas that affect outcomes and that are substantial, meaningful, and important when you pursue disagreement. A healthy disagreement is one of the hallmarks of a successful team. When constructive discussion and disagreement are absent, and apathy is the norm, we have a dysfunctional team, which gets you nowhere.
2. Impersonal Disagreements
To disagree respectfully at work, it’s important to remember that you’re not disagreeing with your coworker because there is something wrong with them or you don’t like them. Instead, you’re disagreeing based on facts, experience, intuition, prior team successes and failures, your coworkers’ track record on similar projects, and your organization’s culture. Keep the discussion impersonal by not you-ing your colleague, as in “you just don’t understand the ramifications of what you’re suggesting.”
It’s best to focus on behavior and events rather than personalities. E.g., instead of starting a complaint with “when you do this,” you can instead start by saying “when this happens”. We don’t need our emotions affecting our professionalism, argument, or data presentation. When speaking, at any point in a disagreement, stay calm. No personal attacks are needed because your successful disagreement depends on it.
3. Listen, Listen & Listen
Why do we think or assume that it’s our way or the highway? Giving others a patient listening is yet another way to tell them how we respect them and such a gesture is always well respected at the workplace.
In other words, to effectively disagree, one must be able to look at the situation from other team members’ point of view. The further up the organization’s hierarchy our job is, the more important it becomes to look at each issue from a total organizational view.
Suggested reading: click here
4. Reach a Common Ground
We should know that the issues have been carefully discussed and thrashed out in greater detail. We must make sure that our relationship with our colleague(s) is intact. If we win an argument, we also lose at the team’s front because our coworker lost. That loss will hang heavy in our relationship, and it will affect our ability to disagree in the future.
It is also important that we and our coworker are clear about our areas of agreement and disagreement and find common interests and goals. It isn’t easy as human ego comes in the middle. It sits somewhere in the middle of our professional relationships and stays there for long. If our coworker thinks that the two of us are headed in the same direction or have a shared outcome in mind, disagreement about how to get there is less scary and contentious.
5. Compromise When Necessary
We may not agree on everything, but don’t let that fact keep us from reaching a conclusion or consensus on a direction or a solution. Remember that at the end of the day, we are part of the same team. In an organisation, one can’t freeze in place and do nothing just because I haven’t found a perfect solution that all parties own. We will need to agree to disagree on something that is in the larger interest of the organisation.
In a compromise, one needs to make sure that the conceded items are ones that we can live with following the meeting. At the same time, we want to avoid consensus decision making in which the lowest common denominator determines the course of action. Consensus decision making can cause low-quality decisions and solutions as a team struggles to come up with a solution that is acceptable to all.
Key Takeaways
To sum it up, disagreement is a vital part of any healthy, living and vibrant business environment. The problem is not usually the disagreement, the problem is how the disagreement is conveyed. One can convey and receive a disagreement and both parties benefit afterward, or one can convey a disagreement and create conflict, mistrust, and a toxic work environment.
It is ok to disagree with a coworker since disagreements are normal. When a disagreement is healthy and constructive, it can lead to personal growth and a successful team. However, if the discussion isn’t constructive, it can lead to a dysfunctional team or work environment.
About the Author
Muhammad Sajwani is the Founder and Managing Director of Evolve HR which aims at transforming, enriching and evolving Human Capital of Pakistan, Evolve HR thrives in challenging assumptions that hinder organisational aspirations, by creating innovative solutions that yield maximum impact, scalability & benefit to a wider base of stakeholders. As a Business Coach and Organisational Consultant, Sajwani knows how to combine business insights with people insights to transform organisations and put them on the path to growth.
