Grudges at Work
Throughout our lives, we all have worked with all kinds of organizations — small medium or large, — local or multinational. Every organisation works with some kind of a culture which is driven at the top — good or bad. In fact, organisations are not the bricks, walls and furniture but people who make the organisations the organisations. We all have, at some stage of our career, committed mistakes in one way or the other. Maybe someone has passed over us for a promotion, had a colleague steal our marketing ideas, or were given more projects or assignments than everyone else on our teams. Sometimes it’s easy to let go of these things, but other times, it can feel impossible to move on without fixing them.
“Getting angry or upset when you feel you are wronged is natural”, says Spring Washam, meditation educator and author of A Fierce Heart. But feeding hatred and rage associated with a grudge is toxic for the body, mentally and physically”. The phrase “to carry a grudge” says it all, she says. “There is something really energetic to that [phrase]. Like, ‘Am I willing to carry this torment? How long am I willing to carry it?”
Here are 05 steps we can take to help resolve employee grudges.
1. Never Suppress Your Feelings
Suppressing, avoiding or ignoring grudge-related feelings could be a short-term fix, but it won’t help us truly let it go. Instead, try shifting your focus, says Christian Conte, anger management specialist and author of Walking Through Anger.
He uses the analogy of the mind as a bucket, which can only hold so much. Visualizing things this way can help put everything into perspective. “If you’re filling your bucket, [or] your mind, with the things you don’t like, it really does seem kind of silly that we do this to ourselves,” Conte says.
2. Reality vs. ‘Should Have’
In dealing with grudges, people often live in a “cartoon world,” which emphasizes “shoulds over reality”. Overcoming this is one of the biggest challenges in dealing with a grudge. Rather than using language like ‘she shouldn’t have said that,’ or ‘this shouldn’t have happened to me.’
Think about the reality of the situation, says Christian Conte: “It did happen, and now, the question is, why choose to consciously carry it into your present moment?” Rather than letting the past ruin our present, we must learn to realign expectations with reality, and focus on the present instead.
3. Straighten Up Your Thought Process
Grudges don’t develop at once. Instead, these grow over time, mainly because grudge-holders continue to think about the incident and replay the events in their minds over and over again, Spring Washam says. Ask yourself ‘Who am I?, What am I thinking right now? What am I feeling right now? Am I feeding this grudge again?
We replay stories over and over again, and every time we replay it, we might add to it like another log on a fire. We do that unconsciously, of course. So, when we’re meditating, we’re becoming aware of what’s happening in our bodies.
4. Start a Conversation in Difficult Phases
Usually when there’s a conflict between two employees, one of them is more bothered by the issue than the other. We can start by encouraging that person to have an open and honest conversation with their co-worker about what’s troubling them. It might be helpful to offer the employee some talking points to help start the conversation.
This might be a bit of an uncomfortable conversation. No one knows how that chat would go but one must try to break the ice. One should begin by saying: “I want to talk to you about something.”Acknowledging the discomfort and admitting they’re uncertain about how to solve the problem can make it easier for the other employee to sympathize and feel less threatened by the conversation.
5. Take the Perpetrator Head on
Communicating with the person causing anger may help you move past a grudge. But let’s avoid being too aggressive when confronting someone at the workplace environment. This could make the situation worse.
Going off on someone who hurt you may make you feel better short-term but doesn’t often lead to a solution. Be absolutely assertive; say what you want to say but, ask yourself, what is your ultimate goal? If your ultimate goal is just to say words so that you can show that you’re right and the other person’s wrong, that’s all “inflated ego”.
Wrap Up
Precisely, grudges can have real consequences on our mind and body. These feelings manifest as stress, which can lead to anxiety, depression, and other physical symptoms, like high blood pressure and poor heart health.
Anger affects the immune system and can interfere with focus and productivity, preventing you from reaching your full potential. Inevitably, grudges go home with you, affecting family relationships, friendships, and even self-esteem. All work with Holding grudges at work can diminish productivity, poison the atmosphere and increase turnover. It’s important to try to resolve these issues and prevent new ones from arising.
About the Author
Muhammad Sajwani is the Founder and Managing Director of Evolve HR which aims at transforming, enriching and evolving Human Capital of Pakistan, Evolve HR thrives in challenging assumptions that hinder organisational aspirations, by creating innovative solutions that yield maximum impact, scalability & benefit to a wider base of stakeholders. As a Business Coach and Organisational Consultant, Sajwani knows how to combine business insights with people insights to transform organisations and put them on the path to growth.
