How to get along with Opinionated People?
We come in contact with people from all walks of life on a daily basis, however, the people who are somehow difficult to deal with are considered to be highly opinionated people. They are judgmental and opinionated at the same time. Be it a workplace or personal or social setting. These “so called” learned individuals presume that they “know everything” as well as “know better” than everyone else on this planet and are always inclined to “correct” others’ perspective and behaviors. They are also overconfident individuals the way they carry themselves.
Besides, I have personally been a victim of workplace politics. This one thing can destroy you if you don’t know how to deal with such characters. If you want to retain a good relationship with your boss or colleagues, avoid getting indulged into workplace politics with someone who is very opinionated about his/her viewpoint.
Below are five important tips for your review and consideration. Not all of these may apply to your particular situation. Simply use what works and leave the rest.
1. Keep your viewpoint fluid
Highly opinionated people tend to be what we generally call “know-it-alls”. They act like they know everything under the sun. If we question their opinion, they quickly become defensive, telling us they are the experts on the subject matter. Whenever someone starts telling me how long they have been in business and how much they know about something, I stop talking immediately because I know there will be no success in rationalizing with this person.
In the workplace, the “know-it-all” is especially difficult to work with because instead of working with us and offering the feedback we need to proceed forward with a particular project, they simply take on the attitude that they are perfect. In their mind, they never make mistakes and they question why we are even asking them to validate their opinion. When people grow up in an environment that is overly critical, they tend to develop a defensive lifestyle that places barriers around them. This barrier manifests itself from fear, insecurity, and vulnerability.
2. Paraphrasing is Critical
We all need to learn some diplomacy (not necessarily political correctness) the way we interact with people. We also need to learn how to communicate with people around us. This requires a lot of effort in certain situations and paraphrasing is one of the keys in communication.
Using the right words, sentences and expressions, both written and verbal is so very important the way we communicate with people around us. Needless to say, that innocent, decent people don’t really mean to offend anyone whenever they communicate with others. Its their choice of words. They don’t like to be pinpointed or addressed as YOU.
3. Ask, Don’t Tell
It goes without saying that while dealing with opinionated people, we are dealing with difficult individuals, here again, we need to exercise caution when we have to tell them directly what we think. We need to ask clarifying questions. Such people deserve to get exhausted by asking endless questions. Don’t tell them, ask them and ask them till the time, they leave their space.
This tidbit of information allows you to move the conversation forward from an informed perspective. You have opened up a conversation that has a better tone and your colleague or friend may be open to hearing you out. A compromise may have to be made, but everyone’s feelings should be taken into account.
3. Kill with Kindness
If we take a pause and analyse highly opinionated people, we may find that these people are actually suffering from low self-esteem issues. They need to be pumped up with positive feedback. We don’t need to placate them, Simply identify good qualities in them and compliment them when we see them. Compliments are beneficial because people are more motivated to do something when they receive positive reinforcement.
A word of caution here: Let’s never deliver false compliments. People can see through our efforts to falsely praise a person will backfire. They could label us as untrustworthy.
4. Nothing personal
We all have a set of luggage in the form of emotions that we carry with us. How we deal with life situations has a lot to do with our parents, teachers, mentors, and our environment to conform or not conform to societal norms. In getting along with highly opinionated people, we need to analyse ourselves first to determine our reasons for reacting to their opinions. Are we being overly sensitive, or is this person simply being a jerk?
People react because of their own belief system and in accordance with their intellect and understanding about life. You may think the critical person is all out to get you, but it’s more likely they react the same way to everyone else too. And what they go on about is the same. If they’re married just take a look at their partners and children or relatives and you’ll see! It will be exactly the same behaviour, same opinions, same old hang-ups. So remember its not you. It’s them. How liberating is your feeling now?
Final Word
As Paramhansa Yogananda once said: Some people try to be tall by cutting off the heads of others. When we go against the norm or conventional way of thinking, it’s inevitable, that we’ll encounter, not one but probably numerous opinionated people. Most of the time very close to home, like friends, family members, our partners, our doctors and best of all the in-laws. And this is completely exemplified as soon as we raise our ‘own’ kids.
Precisely, understanding that the know-it-all may have likely developed highly opinionated people’s arrogant character trait as a defence mechanism and understanding that they may be living in a somewhat vulnerable state of mind, we can deal with them with a little compassion. Instead of pushing back on them, we can practice strategies that can help them relax, let down their barrier, and work toward a goal that is beneficial to everyone.
About the Author
Muhammad Sajwani is the Founder and Managing Director of Evolve HR which aims at transforming, enriching and evolving Human Capital of Pakistan, Evolve HR thrives in challenging assumptions that hinder organisational aspirations, by creating innovative solutions that yield maximum impact, scalability & benefit to a wider base of stakeholders. As a Business Coach and Organisational Consultant, Sajwani knows how to combine business insights with people insights to transform organisations and put them on the path to growth.
