Sick & Tired of Fake People?

Navigating the social landscape can be a complex task, especially when dealing with individuals who come up to us with a friendly façade, yet engage in behind-the-back chatter. Understanding this incongruity is not about fostering suspicion or distrust, but about honing our own interpersonal awareness. This duplicity is often not a reflection of our character but an indication of theirs. Instead of feeling hurt or betrayed by such behavior, recognizing the traits of these individuals can be a valuable tool for our personal growth and resilience.

In this article, we shall explore five specific traits that are often demonstrated by people who are actually NOT our friends. Instead, they talk behind our back but friendly on our face. By understanding these traits, we can better navigate our relationships and engage more authentically with those around.

1. Craving for Validation

In the realm of social dynamics, it’s crucial to recognise the diverse motivations that drive people’s behaviors. One prevalent characteristic among individuals who engage in gossip behind our back while remaining friendly on our face is their constant thirst for validation. This relentless need for approval often stems from deep-seated insecurities. They might harbor a desire to fit in, be well-liked, or elevate their social status.

To achieve these ends, they resort to gossiping about others as a means of bonding with their peers or enhancing their own standing. Yet, when in our presence, they maintain a friendly facade to ensure they don’t lose our favor. Adding to the complexity, this behaviour can also reveal their aversion to confrontation or conflict. By appearing amiable on our face, they sidestep direct disagreements or disputes, which they may view as threatening or uncomfortable.

2. Struggling with Empathy

Empathy, the knack for tuning into and sharing the emotions of others, often falls short in folks who gossip behind our back but put on a friendly front to our face. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but it’s crucial to face this reality head-on. These individuals struggle to grasp the full impact of their actions on others.

Instead, they might prioritize their own feelings, desires, or needs above all else. This empathy gap can lead to behaviors that cause hurt and harm. But here’s where one of my fundamental beliefs kicks in — the power of self-awareness and personal growth to make a difference. Acknowledging this lack of empathy in others isn’t about pointing fingers or assigning blame. It’s an opportunity for us to step into a space of understanding and compassion.

3. Avoiding Responsibility

Another behavior I’ve noticed in folks who talk behind our back but act friendly to our face is their reluctance to own up to their actions. Instead of facing and accepting their own shortcomings or mistakes, they tend to shift the focus onto critiquing or gossiping about others. This avoidance of personal responsibility serves as a defense mechanism. It’s often easier to point fingers at others’ flaws than to confront our own. However, this habit can hinder personal growth and prevent genuine relationships from forming.

We most see this notion at workplaces of ditching others as being a “good person,” We need to see how clinging to this ideal can lead to self-criticism and judgment of others, whereas letting go of it can pave the way for a more authentic and satisfying life. By recognizing this trait in others and choosing not to mirror it, we affirm our commitment to personal responsibility, authenticity, and growth. We choose to live in alignment with our values and to be a force for positive change in the world.

4. Charismatic & Charming

Charisma or charm is a double-edged sword. It has the power to inspire and connect, but when wielded insincerely, it can deceive and hurt. Those who use their charm to manipulate or cover up their gossiping tendencies create toxic dynamics in their communities and relationships. That’s why self-awareness is key. By acknowledging the potential for misuse of charisma, we can navigate relationships more effectively.

We can appreciate genuine charm while staying wary of its darker side. The goal isn’t to become cynical, but to develop discernment. It’s about recognizing authentic charisma that uplifts versus manipulative charm that serves selfish agendas. This discernment is crucial for fostering genuine, respectful connections.

5. Resistant to Change

Here’s a trait often seen in those who talk behind our back but act friendly in person: resistance to change. They cling to the familiar, avoiding any shifts in perspective or behavior that might challenge their comfort zone. This resistance shows up as stubbornness, defensiveness, or a refusal to entertain new ideas.

They prefer the safety net of the status quo, even if it means stagnation in their relationships or personal development. When confronted with individuals resistant to change, it’s important not to fall into the same trap. Instead, we can choose to view these experiences as opportunities to grow and evolve.

Bottomline

Let’s understand that friendship is one of life’s greatest treasures. Genuine friends support, uplift, and stand by us during both joyous and challenging times. However, not everyone who calls themselves our friend fits this definition. Identifying who our real friends are can be difficult, but it’s crucial for our emotional well-being.

By paying attention to the above key indicators, we can distinguish genuine friends from fake ones and those who may simply want to use us for their interests. Remember, true friendship is a precious gift that enhances our lives, and it’s worth investing in relationships that bring positivity and support.

About the Author

Muhammad Sajwani is a C-Level HR, Transformation Leader, Board Advisor, Business Coach & Organisational Consultant working in the capacity of Managing Director, Evolve HR. He is an author, columnist and a contributor who besides writing for other platforms also regularly writes at BizCatalyst 360. He brings along 30+ years of local & international experience. He is a change catalyst specializing in unleashing the human Dreamgenius through Leadership, Creativity and Change Management. Muhammad has been instrumental in helping organizations come to terms with organizational changes like right-sizing and business process re-engineering. His innovative approach & high personal competence encourages people to not only accept change, but also to excel in it. Muhammad has diverse experience in conducting strategic & management development programs, conferences & events for organizations across sectors.