Stop saying ‘I’m sorry’ at Work
For many people, saying “I’m sorry” is just another phrase and after certain situations, even those that don’t require an apology becomes their second nature. But trust me, over-apologizing can backfire, especially at the workplace. It can make others think less of you, lower your self-esteem, and water down the impact of future apologies.
The habit can come from a place of insecurity, and it can be especially common among women and people of color, says Patrice Williams Lindo, CEO of Career Nomad, a career consulting firm. “We are taught culturally, especially from a Black woman’s perspective, to be super humble and to downplay our wins. That’s how I was raised,” Lindo says. “It was a problem to be prideful in the way you spoke about yourself and your accomplishments. So we feel inadequate and insecure.” The need to over-apologize is born from this pattern of self-doubt — and recognizing situations when you should and shouldn’t say “I’m sorry” is one of the first steps to finding better phrases to use instead, Lindo says.
5 instances where one should never say sorry @Work
Even if we follow all the tips and tricks of this world, we might still feel the urge to apologize due to the cultural norms and while at work. When this happens, let’s make sure we’re both careful and thoughtful with our words and really think long and hard about whether or not an apology is, in fact, warranted. To help navigate work apologies, I’ve rounded up the top five instances where one can avoid saying “I’m sorry” at work.
1. Conversations
Managers are hired to get a job well done, and often, that means interacting with colleagues on different projects and assignments. Never apologize for doing your job and interrupting or interacting with a coworker. Stay away from saying “Sorry to bother you” and instead be confident and appreciative. A manager should be able to pass on his/her high contagious energy through actions and gestures to the colleagues.
Another situation where you’re attending a meeting chaired by another colleague. Someone raises a point you agree or disagree with, and you want to share your viewpoint. You might decide to interject by saying, Sorry, but I’d like to weigh in. This situation does not require an apology, If you have information to add to a conversation or an opposing point of view, that’s completely OK. People use ‘I’m sorry’ in these situations to penetrate the conversation and have their voice heard when they don’t have to. Just say: “Can I add here”?
2. Interviews or Meetings
A job interview is all about confidence and marketability a candidate exhibits either in-person or virtually. As a rule of thumb, a candidate should never say “I’m sorry” during a job interview or apologize for anything on or not on his/her resume. These lame words and phrases actually don’t mean anything to anyone. Saying sorry in such instances could negatively impact your chances of getting hired.
Hybrid and remote work gained popularity especially post-COVID, causing people to use their electronic devices more than ever. Unfortunately, no matter how tech-savvy you are, technical difficulties are bound to occur. And they usually aren’t your fault. ‘I’m sorry’ is often a phrase that people use when they need to fill space. They aren’t comfortable with silence. Instead of apologizing for things that are out of your control, use phrases like, “I appreciate your patience” and “Thank you for working with me,” to overcome any awkwardness and reinstate an air of confidence.
3. Mistakes
We all make mistakes, especially at work. If you’ve done a task incorrectly or you’ve accidentally offended someone, saying “I’m sorry” wouldn’t be the wrong response, necessarily, but it wouldn’t be the strongest response, either. When you do something wrong, the reply doesn’t have to be ‘I’m sorry. Other phrases can better show that you’re ready to do what it takes to make the situation right. Those can include:
- Thank you for the feedback
- I take full responsibility
- I appreciate your bringing that to my attention — how can I improve?
A sincere apology isn’t bad, but it’s ideal to only say “I’m sorry” when you truly mean it to ensure it comes across as genuine. Saying sorry repeatedly at work is a trend of the past. Let’s move on to the future with more appropriate vocabulary.
4. Rephrase
One of the best ways to stop over apologising at work is to say “Please” and “Thank you” in place of “I’m sorry.” This way you are telling your clients or colleagues that you are thanking them by highlighting any shortcomings at your end. By making this small change and finding ways to thank your coworkers or customers whenever you feel the urge to apologize, you’ll come across as strong and successful at work.
Thanking your colleagues and clients Instead of apologizing to them is a great tool to help you avoid saying “I’m sorry” at work. Still, it’s important to be aware of what, exactly, you’re thanking them for and be sure to do so without discrediting or patronizing yourself.
5. Actions, not words
We all must have heard the saying, Actions speak louder than words. Well, the same is true when it comes to saying “I’m sorry” at the workplace. Instead of over-apologizing at work, which can come across as excuse-making and unprofessional, use actions to correct mistakes and show compassion and drive. An employee must clearly commit to a roadmap that how s/he will improve his/her performance over time so that the errors and mistakes do not occur. Some organisations go a bit too far where they engage HR in performance related matters, which reflects as line management’s sheer incompetence.
Focusing on resolutions instead of conflicts will help you avoid saying sorry while on the job. By focusing on the end goal or resolution, you’ll be able to better manage issues and conflicts that arise at work, clearly articulate your desires, and get back to work more quickly than if you had simply reverted to an empty apology.
Final Thoughts
Next time you’re faced with an uncomfortable or awkward situation at work, consider the tips and tricks outlined in this article before dishing out an unnecessary “I’m sorry.” Always remember, some of the best ways of avoiding excessively apologizing at work is by saying “thank you” in place of “I’m sorry,” being thoughtful with your words, considering alternate points of view, and remaining compassionate, sincere, confident, and appreciative.
By making these small changes and being hyper-aware of what you’re saying at work, you’ll come across as more confident, knowledgeable, and professional and be even closer to realizing many of your biggest career and professional goals.
About the Author
Muhammad Sajwani is the Founder and Managing Director of Evolve HR which aims at transforming, enriching and evolving Human Capital of Pakistan, Evolve HR thrives in challenging assumptions that hinder organisational aspirations, by creating innovative solutions that yield maximum impact, scalability & benefit to a wider base of stakeholders. As a Business Coach and Organisational Consultant, Sajwani knows how to combine business insights with people insights to transform organisations and put them on the path to growth.
