Why do we need to learn to say No?
The key lesson that I’ve learnt in last 30+ years of my professional life is that it doesn’t matter what you say but it does matter how you say it. I still remember one of my Scandinavian bosses reminding us all the time: “Learn to say NO with a smile and explanation”.
Too much “no” and you can isolate yourself, creating a negative persona, and miss out on opportunities. Too little “no” and you might overbook your schedule and bring on too much stress in the process. Finding a balance between yes and no is the key, but that equilibrium can only exist if you’re able to see both the positive and negative sides of saying NO.
In this article we shall discuss why and how leaders should say no. While it’s tempting to try to please everyone and say yes to everything.
1. Saying NO doesn’t have a “right” Way
Take the pressure off. We all know saying no is hard. Some people shy away due to cultural norms. Some are scared but there are ways for taking the opportunity to reframe or rephrase it. Even with technological and communication advancements, we still live in a work environment that keeps us busy throughout, sometimes for no reason.
We’re in awe of people who seem like they do it all. Or we don’t want to let people down because we’re afraid we’ll appear rude, that conflict might arise, or bridges may be burned. In such a situation, let’s assess our own professional conditions and implications of saying no and then decide how to say it. After all, our own deadlines cannot take a backseat.
2. Saying NO isn’t less Compassionate
This one’s simple, but a profound thing to keep in mind. While saying “no,” we can simultaneously set boundaries and still be kind, compassionate and generous. Let’s try to help the person who approached us by offering an alternative or help at a later date. For example: To get you started on thinking of compassionate ways to say no, here are a few scripts to begin saying no with respect and authenticity:
- I think now’s not a good time as I’m in the middle of something more important. How about we reconnect at in a week’s time?
- Let me think about it first and I’ll get back to you.
- I’m not the best person to help on this. Why don’t you connect with Ms. X?
- I can’t commit to this as I have other priorities at the moment.
3. Saying No is sometimes Saying ‘YES’
Every time we say no to one thing, we’re actually saying yes to something else. No means we are freeing up our time (and, in some cases, our emotional bandwidth) to engage in other, perhaps more positive, activities. If we feel badly for turning someone down, let’s reframe our response, offering to do something another time that we want to do.
It can be tough to say no. Many of us were raised to always be nice and say yes. It has a lot to do with parenting in our societies as well. Learning how to decline an invitation or request without feeling guilty is an essential aspect of living a happy life. The more we master the art of saying no when necessary, the easier it becomes to fill our lives with activities and people who bring us true happiness. If we find ourselves defaulting to yes more than we’d like, or we struggle with sticking to no once we’ve said it, come back.
4. Saying NO means Not Leaving Your Ground
Some people won’t take no for an answer, especially, the old generational or old fashioned managers.They’ll continue to urge, cajole, and come up with all kinds of creative solutions to make us say yes. They will constantly remind us of their existence and authority. In other words, they will tell us in too many words who they actually are? These people are a challenge when we’re trying to make our lives less complicated and more happier.
When encountering won’t-take-no types, stand your ground and internalize your initial response. If you find yourself wavering, recall the reasons you chose to say no in the first place and consider how good you’ll feel if you remain true to yourself. It’s not being stubborn or rigid. You’ll find this fortitude carries over into other areas of your life.
5. Saying NO means, we can’t please everyone
If we think that by saying ‘NO’ we are potentially ruining our career and relationships, remember that we just cannot please everyone in life. If there are people who will get upset because we said no to something, let them go. Your true blue friends, family and respected colleagues will understand. It’s simply a fact that you will never be able to please every being in the universe. So fill your universe with those bright, supportive souls.
Summary
Ever since companies started working more cross-functionally and collaboratively, exchanging top-down management for dotted-line reporting with fuzzy accountability, work has gotten more complicated. All day every day, most of us are fielding requests. The asks are formal and informal, large and small. They’re not just from direct bosses and teammates but also from “internal customers” all over the organizational chart. Add to this the demands of external stakeholders, of family, friends, and acquaintances, and sometimes even of complete strangers. The requests keep coming — across tables and through zoom screens, by phone, e-mail, and instant message.
The inflow is daunting. And now more than ever, our professional success and personal well-being depend on how we manage it. We just can’t afford to say yes to everyone and everything and do all of it well. When we take on too many or the wrong things, we waste time, energy, and money and distract ourselves from what’s really important and what we are actually paid for. Still, no one wants to annoy or disappoint colleagues or other contacts — or, worse, turn down key career and life opportunities.
About the Author
Muhammad Sajwani is the Founder and Managing Director of Evolve HR which aims at transforming, enriching and evolving Human Capital of Pakistan, Evolve HR thrives in challenging assumptions that hinder organisational aspirations, by creating innovative solutions that yield maximum impact, scalability & benefit to a wider base of stakeholders. As a Business Coach and Organisational Consultant, Sajwani knows how to combine business insights with people insights to transform organisations and put them on the path to growth.
